Now that I have put my fears into black and white I can now address all of my hearts desires. If I give them equal value or more I can work on manifesting these dreams, desires and hopes for myself, those close to me and the earth.
I Dream of Being Pain Free
It was suggested to me by a fellow blogger and who I have come to see as a friend that to start my recovery is facing my fears (which I have begun tonight) but then start Pranayama yoga. I had no idea what that was so I took advantage of the internet and did my research and I started with a very simple one that generates energy and overcomes depression. I chose this one because it seemed like a really good place to start. I watched on You Tube one Yogi from Tibet talk about the power Pranayama yoga generates. I should start doing 5 minutes a day for a week. I will feel the power of the breath breathe new life into my limbs. Then 10 minutes a day for a week and I will feel strong. For 15 minutes a day for a week I will feel the water return to my limbs. Then 30 minutes for a month and my mind will clear. An hour every day for a month and my spirit wakes up. For two hours every day for a month and I will leave the restrictions of my body to go see what we cannot see with our eyes and for 3 hours for a month I will experience the divine. I am not sure if I can make it to two hours or even three but I can for today do 5 minutes a day.
I know my dreams will take work. I have learned in my studies that to walk behind ones prayers we must give 50% and the Divine will give 50%. So I begin to give. In order to receive I must give. If I want my body to take care of me I must take care of my body. So it is here that I start. While I am doing the Pranayama Yoga I am visualizing myself living a pain free life. Not only pain free but I am visualizing hiking and working around the house and with my horse.
I Dream of the Relationship I Once Had and Want Again
When I first met Ron those first few years were the most healing and rejuvenating time of my life. Just being around him filled my being with light. He made me aware of a whole new world and a whole new way of being. I want to let him in again so that he and I can give to each other what we both need and want so much. I will work on my shortcomings so that I no longer hide myself away in shame. I will give to him as if he has never seen me at my worst. I will give myself to him without thinking of all the judgments I have PROJECTED on to him for there is none. I will be open and honest and unafraid. I will be accepting of myself and of him. I will set aside my fears and just be for that is all he has ever wanted from me and for me. I will invite and cultivate love and acceptance into our relationship.
I Dream of Keeping My Horse
I will keep my horse and let myself grow with her. I will let go of the fear and trust in her love for me for it is very apparent she adores me. I always get a nicker when she sees me and she follows me around like a puppy dog. When I hold out the halter she places her nose within. When I make a mistake she stops and gives me time to adjust. She does not judge me or sees my mistakes. She is patient with me and trusts me. She TRUSTS me. Isn’t it time I trust myself? Yes I will make mistakes for that is how I learn. Let her teach me and let the fear of failure go. It may be a bumpy ride but one that is worth it and I do believe she has the capacity to be a very healing force in my life. Ron says there are no accidents. Maybe she came into my life when I had no other resources so that I would learn to dig in and find the resources within myself.
I Dream of A Job That Will Lead Me to My Career….both of which I will love
I am in school to become an ordained minister. Not of any organized religion but of a more healing and personal kind. I want to be a healer, a spiritual healer, a spiritual counselor and a spiritual life coach. I want to help people that are feeling exactly as I am right now. I truly believe deep in my soul that is what I am here for and what all my life experience has been grooming for. Until I graduate in the meantime my heart and soul lies with animals and making their lives better. I also want to work in a thrift store for a non profit. I really want to start one but that is not possible so let me just work at one and offer my vast knowledge and experience to them. I will be happy doing these things.
I Want to Be Financially Safe
I don’t need much. I have just a few small bills and the upkeep of Rosie. I could easily survive on less than 1000.00 a month. That is not asking too much. Surely I can manifest that in my life?!
I Want to be Happy and at Peace
I think I will be if I can continue to grow and work my way out of the hole I fell into. I will be patient. It took me over two years to get into this hole. I realize it won’t happen over night but I really do not think it will take long because with each step forward I can feel the sun and feel the air and breathe in life and that to me my friends is just heaven.