The greatest thing is to give thanks for everything. He who has learned this knows what it means to live. He has penetrated the whole mystery of life: giving thanks for everything.
— Albert Schweitzer
I have pondered my life quite a bit here recently. I have battled my ego to death and I am now rounding the corner and I bump into Gratitude. I bumped into this giant being on a very bad day. I found this being soft and inviting and I ran into her arms like a drowning person reaching for a life raft. And here is why…
Yesterday I got a call from the police. I was interrogated on the phone about everything under the sun regarding my mother. I completely shut down and answered the questions with a dispassionate voice. Even the ones that threw me completely off guard. This same officer interrogated my best friend who broke down into racking sobs with him….not for her but for me. I heard what my husband told this man all in support of me. Then i heard my daughters tears on the phone as you expressed profound empathy for me (never have I heard such things from her).
This month in school we have been exploring the Walk behind ones prayer. I truly questioned what more I could do or give….or what lesson was I suppose to be learning. So I set up a wonderful alter in a sacred space and I sat down and I prayed. Then last night I was in class and three people who spoke before me all had a heart wrenching story to tell of their mothers. The school director just had to put her mother in a care facility and all the pain that went with that. Another students mother had just past away. The sorrow was a tangible thing coming from this gentle man. Another students mother had to move from her home of 40 years to live with this students sister and she was sharing her mothers pain which was beautiful. All of this pointed for me to speak about my mother is a whole different way. Not in a bad way but in a way that spoke of abandonment and gut wrenching hurt and complete bewilderment. The pain poured from me and I could have no more stopped it than a flash flood. The director spoke of Karmic problems and is making an appointment to speak to me more in private. I then became embarrassed at taking the class’s time over private crap. I wrote a letter of apology to the staff and this was the response I got:
I receive your apology but also say, you have no need to apologize because you were very upset,
raw, in transformation and bringing your full self to the table. As Jyoti said, ‘just show up’ and
vulnerability is where our strength resides. Its hard to be witnessed in pain and grief, but you
trusted us with your fragile heart. It was real, true, and where you are, and we honor this in
everyone, its why we are here. To heal, to grow and learn about ourselves. Every aspect of what
we do is a dance with the Mystery, and yet there is so much support here. Thank you for taking care
of yourself and asking for time with Jyoti. She amazes me in how she cares for everyone. She
meant it when she offered this to you. You are going through some similar challenges as Jyoti,
as is John, Lori, and there are others!So thank you for allowing intimacy (as others have as well) to surface earlier in the process -it will only take the whole class deeper in this journey.I will see Jyoti this weekend and will be in touch early next week with some times that are goodfor her.You are possibly being initiated (early) into your path to Ministry. This can happen, I’ve beenwitness, and people will say there is a certain knowingness that it could.I am holding you in my heart and sending prayers of peace to ease your pain.
Like a mother who protects her child, her only child, with her own life, one should cultivate a heart of unlimited love and compassion towards all living beings.
— The Buddha
Permit me to say without reservation that if all people were attentive, if they would undertake to be attentive every moment of their lives, they would discover the world anew. They would suddenly see that the world is entirely different from what they had believed it to be.
— Jacques Lusseyran
God speaks to us every day only we don’t know how to listen.
— Mahatma Gandhi