My Spirit Journey

My Long Over Due Spiritual Quest


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I Am Back!!

I apologize for being out of touch for so long. There have been many things going on in my life and I got a bit overwhelmed and just had to concentrate with the most important and work my way through it. First off I had my eye surgery  and I am so surprised at how well it all went. It only took about 15 minutes with minimal pain afterwards. It more just felt like I had sand in my eye for a few weeks. I went back for my check up which ended up being a tad scary because the doctor had not got the results from my biopsy back yet and he was a bit worried. On the  ride back home he called me with the results and I was fine!!!

I started working for the big Non-Profit Umbrella here in Moab called Wabi Sabi as a fundraiser and there was so much to learn and know and not screw up so I had to really focus all of my mental powers (weak as they are) on just getting settled in my job. There were a few bumps in the road with another employee but we are all fine and doing well now.

While doing all that I have been working with the Homeopath on getting my health in a better place and though I am doing so much better in so much of the areas I was having trouble with pain is still a big issue and I get down and frustrated because I have to just push through it. I will have more on all of this but I will leave it at that until tomorrow. Writers block is always a concern and a problem when I get overwhelmed with events in my life so I am pushing past that as well.

I look forward on continuing with my writing and reading so many wonderful blogs out there so until tomorrow I wish you all a great day.

Lisa


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Homeopath

I went to a Homeopath last night after work and it was so enlightening and I have hope that I may be on to something. First of all I have never had such a complete and thorough medical history taken by any doctor…EVER. Everything mattered to  him in the grand scheme of things and things that I would never have thought to tell him he wanted to know. He then took a face reading. Meaning he looked at certain genetic markers in the face….such as a widows peak or closed or separated ear lobes etc….the same things I looked at when learning about genetics when I was in college. He identified me as a RED on the Miasmic scale. This means my genetic line is descended from the Farmers of the ancestors. I have the Earth Element and I love to grow things, love working with plants and animals….all true…I became a biologist for petes sake. He also said I am competitive like animals and love jewelry (animals such as birds like to be pretty to get a mate). I tend to be emotional (well yeah…!!!) and I am good with relationships HOWEVER I have very few relationships and tend to just like a few small ones or just even  one (like with my husband). He said Reds hate crowds and people exhaust them. Reds are very hard working and productive. They stick their nose to the grindstone and just work all day and they are happy but if there are problems or others stressors they get overwhelmed very easily…..that is so me. Once they become overwhelmed the stress wrecks havoc on their body and the weakest spot is the digestive system….this in Chinese medicine is connected to the lungs and other systems. Headaches, muscle spasms, fibromyalgia etc become a problem over time…plus I have had a few other glitches in my life that have come up that have created a very unhealthy body in certain ways. He said Reds are fiercely independent and need quiet time every day to recharge.

So he described me to a tee and is starting me on some remedies that may in time help my system reorganize itself. I have an animal based one SEPIA that will help the liver (digestive system) and then a plants based one that will help with the fibromyalgia. Both will renew my energy but at the same time quiet the nervous system. I take them both once a week three days apart from each other. I will see him again in 4 weeks and we will keep tweaking this until I am right.

This was so in harmony to how I am feeling and it will be interesting to see how this goes. I told him I want to get off of all my meds eventually and live a pain free, restful, peaceful life. Now I just have to meditate and exercise and do yoga he said is the best. The cold right now is too much for my fibromyalgia but yoga will help the body and mind and will afford me a sense of well being.

I just got a job working for a Non-Profit that sponsors a myriad of other non-profits in the area. There are presently 70 non-profits in Moab and they can only sponsor 13-14 a year but we have our hand in all the non-profits in some form or fashion. Wabi Sabi is really the heart beat of Moab and we get our money through many ways the main being two thrift stores. There is the Warehouse and the Thriftique. I mostly work at the Thriftique. Its awesome because I get to play with vintage stuff all day. The director is a yoga instructor as well and offers yoga very cheaply to all non profit, school and government employees twice a week plus their are other services offered. My husband will be running his practice out of the yoga center and he is offering discounted services through this organization as well.

I will include pictures and a  more thorough post next time but I wanted to let everyone know what I have been up to and I love it. I love my job and I love this new doctor I am going to so we shall see.

Lisa


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Writing Challenge: The Devil is in the Details

This is coming from a true story that I got yesterday full of gaps…I will fill in the gaps…

The facts: A woman drives in to the parking lot of Wabi Sabi (a non profit that supports other non profits where I work) and for some reason does not see the GIANT mound of plowed snow (now ice) and her car becomes airborne  meaning she is teetering on this mound of ice with none of her tires touching the ground. She walks home, her husband gets a friend to retrieve the  car, the husband comes into our store and complains and tells us to call the city to have it removed.

So here  goes:

 

Lulu decides to go for a drive in her 1966 Plymouth Valiant that is a lovely shade of army green. As she is driving along when her cell phone rings. Being 98 she hasn’t quite gotten the hang of this new fangled thing and tries to answer it because come to find out its her husband who is 101 and knows even less about these new fangled things and she knows he panics if she doesn’t answer as his dementia seems to be escalating. She drops the phone and reaches down to retrieve from under her brake pedal when she feels something going on with her vehicle that just doesn’t feel quite right. As she peers over her steering wheel all she can see is blue sky and a large warehouse looming in front of her. Lulu has now forgotten all about her husband calling her on the phone as she tries to sort through her obvious confusion at this recent turn of events. She opens the car door and the ground is what seems like miles below her as her car sways back and forth on the mound of ice. Her confusion escalates.

Lulu, in her befuddled state, crawls down from the drivers seat, her support hose bunching down around her Mary Janes and she finally makes it safely to the ground. She observes what has happened to her car and becomes outraged that the store would allow such a travesty to occur as she is such a good customer. Not knowing how to use her new fangled cell phone, Lulu at 98 years old decides to walk home in the subarctic temperatures to get her husband….he would know what to do and he could give the store a piece of his mind while he was doing it. As she walks home she sees the familiar rusty red 1972 GTO driving haphazardly over the center divide as she recognizes her husbands bald head peering over the steering wheel. He had taken it upon himself to go out and look for Lulu as she did not answer her phone. He picks her up and they drive to the parking lot to ponder this terrible situation.

Just when Lulu began to cry their 79 year old son (yes she was young and yes it was a shot gun wedding) drives up and cannot believe what he is seeing. There are his poor parents standing by helplessly as they watch the Plymouth Valiant teeter back and forth on this hazardous mound of ice. He picks up his cell phone (he had his grandson show him how to use it so we can call him cell phone savvy) and calls Ralph. Ralph is his Son in Law who has a wrecker. Ralph comes right over (since he owes his father in law some money) and safely gets the car off the ice with minimal damage. Meanwhile Lulu’s husband is outraged and storms into the store to give the workers there a piece of his mind. Lisa the fundraiser immediately gets up to talk to the man about his wife’s ordeal and to see the mound of ice. He explains to the bewildered Lisa that his wife Lulu just didn’t see it and Lisa is wondering how she couldn’t because that is all she could see. She agrees to call the city (even though this is private property) with a profound apology and said “If only that dear sweet woman had come in we would have taken care of this immediately so she didn’t have to walk the 9 miles home in -10 degree temperatures” but Lulu’s husband said she had every right to not trust us after allowing this horrible thing to happen to her.

They drove off in their 1972 GTO while the Son in Law followed behind Ralph towing the Plymouth Valiant. The moral of this story is Just let the damn thing ring and answer it later.

Lisa

 


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Picture it and Write: The Blue Cocoon

blue mummyI have struggled with my depression and despair for many years now. I have just recently had a chance to start over and though the road is a bit bumpy I find I am enjoying this time of transformation. Not only am I having to change my thoughts about myself, the world and my place within it but I have had to surrender to some things about myself and accept who I am. That being said I am also in a place to change. There are so many things I want to change. Of course I want to change my physical appearance and lose thirty pounds but I also want to change the turmoil in my heart and just be.  I see this picture as myself within a cocoon waiting to emerge as a beautiful butterfly so that I can spread my wings and soar through the beauty of my life.

So here is the story I associate with this picture:

She had been waiting in her safe blue cocoon for a long time now….how long she could not say for it had been a time of quiet reflection where time stood still. She woke up one day, feeling her awareness becoming in tuned to the outside world. This world she had not thought of for a very long time. She just had been feeling safe wrapped up in her womb of the blue cocoon but now she knew this time was coming to an end. She was sad…..she had come to heal in this safe place. This place was full of love and acceptance but it was lonely. She was lonely. As scared of change as she was she was excited at the prospect of trying her new wings. Doubt plagued her but her higher self and the universe assured her all would be well….all would be as it should be.

The blue cocoon was weakening and she panicked  She tried to hold onto the the safety of her beautiful world but the membrane was worn in spots and more and more light shone through. It would be a matter of a very short time before she would be compelled to poke her fingers through the weakness and tear apart that which held her so safe for so long. Would she be beautiful? Would others be there to greet her and love her? Would the sun shine reflecting off the beautiful flowers whose nectar beckoned her?  So many unanswered questions.

She was ready though…..ready for this change….ready for the beauty of herself and the world…..ready to fly and soar as the newness of herself flitted from flower to flower.

butterfly

 

Butterfly

O butterfly, butterfly
Teach us to fly
We want to reach the sky
Touch the milky moon
And play with stars
O butterfly, butterfly
Teach us how and why
You are so beautiful
We want to beautify
Ourselves like you
And attract attention of all
O butterfly, butterfly
Tell us the way
In which we may
Make ourselves colourful
And we may be playful
We want to be cheerful
O butterfly, butterfly
Tell us the secrets
Of your beauty
Unveil the mystery
How do you fly
We want to fly
Like you beautiful butterfly
O butterfly, butterfly

Shashikant Nishant Sharma

 


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Daily Prompt: Free Association

Title:

Love is the Rain the Feeds the Soil of my Home

heart rain

The More I get my life back the more I look around and discover I am surrounded by love. So much love. Love is a funny thing because it comes in many shapes and sizes. I have the deep and enduring love of my husband. This love is full of acceptance for the person I am and am evolving. He accepts me for my flaws and my mistakes and loves me all the more for them. He thinks I am beautiful despite my low self esteem; he looks at me and all I see is complete adoration and love. I CAN do wrong and I can upset him BUT its okay because that love is there with all its forgiveness and he surrenders to it unabashedly.

make_it_rain_unconditionally

Then I have the unconditional love of my dog Rainy Day and my horse Rosie Day. Its innocent and expectant. Nothing is held back. When I come home from work or from getting the mail from across the street Rainy gives me this entire body wag and hurriedly races to her toy box to give me a gift. When I pull up to see Rosie I get a great huge WHINNY with ears straight up and a quivering lip. Pure Joy at my presence.

1

Then I have that wonderful love of my friends such as Trudy, Eileen, Karen and many others who know me, love me for my flaws and quirks and cry when I cry and laugh when I laugh.

blackrain

In order for flowers to grow and reproduce, to thrive and to exist they must have rain that not only keeps its cells hydrated but also is a conduit to bring much needed nutrients to the vascular system. The love I receive from my husband, pets and friends is the rain that feeds my soil…my soul…..the home to all that I am.

 

“Love like rain, can nourish from above, drenching couples with a soaking joy. But sometimes under the angry heat of life, love dries on the surface and must nourish from below, tending to its roots keeping itself alive.”
― Paulo Coelho, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept


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Care-giving VS. Care-taking

I copied this blog post from Gary Zukav‘s blog The Seat of the Soul:

 

WHY PAINFUL THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLEJanuary 2013 Blog

 

A responsible choice is a choice thatcreates consequences that you are willing to assume responsibility for.For example, you may usually shout when you become angry. Shouting in anger pushes people away, they are intimidated by you, they are cautious about sharing with you, and you become isolated. The more isolated you become, the angrier you become, and the more isolated and lonely you become, even if you are surrounded by people. This is because the people who surround you will have energy like yours. They will also be angry, and judgmental, too. They will find faults with others, the system (any system), and live their lives as righteous victims. They will try to convince others of the wrongs and injustices they see and of their own superiority. When they succeed, they bond with those people. Their group of “Us” becomes larger and always in conflict with a group of “Them.” If you are an angry person, is this what you want to create? If so, continue to act in anger, and you will.

Here is another example. Some people feel good about helping others, and they do so often. They do not realize that their good deeds have a second agenda. They want to be appreciated. When a care-taker gives and gives and does not receive appreciation, thanks, or even acknowledgement, she becomes resentful. Her resentment grows over time and eventually turns to anger, and then explodes at the person who is not thankful or appreciative. People at first enjoy her care-taking, but after a while, they avoid it, unless they desperately need it, because it feels “sticky.”   It comes with strings attached, unspoken obligations, and people do not like it. The more they resist it, the more unappreciated the care-taker feels, the more resentful she feels, and the angrier she becomes. If you are a care-taker, is this what you want to create? If so, continue to caretake, and you will.

Caretaking is different from care-giving. Care-giving has no second agendas or hidden motives. The care is given from love for the joy of giving without expectation, no strings attached. It cannot be manipulated or discouraged because love cannot be manipulated or discouraged. Care-givers attract care-givers and live in a community of love. They are energized by their caring, fulfilled, and they love life. Care-takers attract care-takers and live in the company of resentful victims who see themselves as misused and are fatigued from constant giving with no return.

Care-giving requires the intention of love, care-taking requires the intention of fear. Not acting in anger when you are angry requires the intention of love. Shouting when you are angry requires the intention of fear – the intention to manipulate and control others – to pursue external power. When you know your intention, you are in a position to choose the consequences that you will create for yourself. When you choose an intention that creates consequences for which you are willing to be responsible, that is a responsible choice. When the intention you choose is love, you create authentic power.

Please share your thoughts with me on  http://seatofthesoul.com/blog-new/.  I love reading them.

I am certainly pondering my motivation for caring for my parents until my dad died then the rest of the time for my mother and I am battling so much pain surrounding this whole thing as you know. For those of you that know what I have been up against for a few years this is still a very painful situation that exists in my life so when I read this I thought about it and thought about it. I have been assured by so many people (so many) that I did what 90% of the people they know would never have done and nearly killed myself doing it but I still feel as if I failed….that I didn’t do quite enough and the pain at times is unbearable. This I do know….without any doubt…I did it for love and I am sorry my mind and body could not do it any more. It was becoming dangerous…she needed a staff of thirty to help her with her needs for she is completely dependent. My doctor said that is why the staff has a shift change three times in a 24 hour period I worked for my mother from 3 in the morning to 12 at night 7 days a week for over two years and before that was the housekeeper, cook and errand boy for 7 years. So why does it not feel as if I did enough? I just wanted her to know she was loved and cherished.

So that is why I have not written in a few days…am struggling with my broken heart and trying so hard to mend it. According to her I gave up, threw her under a bus and failed. Wow….this is going to take a while

Lisa


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Change is Hard…..and Rewarding

Me and My Shadow Photo by Lisa L. Day

Me and My Shadow Photo by Lisa L. Day

 

Ron went to Salt Lake City to visit his daughter yesterday. I was originally planning on going with him because his youngest daughter is the only person I like working on my hair because she is the only one who does it right but between this TUMOR (Okay as Arnold said….Its not a tumor…or at least not a big one)  on my eye and my weight and the fact I have not slept very well recently I bowed out. That forced me to walk the dog twice in the frigid cold which is just one of several reasons I have not been going out to do much walking. The recent tooth extraction had me balled up in a fetal position in pain but that seems to be finally getting better I think.  So to let you all see just how cold it really is and how difficult a nice hike can be I have included some pictures of my hike with Rainy. I took her over to a bike trail here in Moab called Pipe Dream which is a great walking/hiking place in the Spring, Summer and Fall and to be frank most Winters….just not this one.

Pipe Dream Trail Photo by Lisa L. Day

Pipe Dream Trail Photo by Lisa L. Day

 

Pipe Dream Trail Photo by Lisa L. Day

Pipe Dream Trail Photo by Lisa L. Day

 

The Pipe Dream and a Boulder Photo by Lisa L. Day

The Pipe Dream and a Boulder Photo by Lisa L. Day

 

You can see the road as I stayed on the lower part as I have become quite accident prone and have taken four magnificent swan dives on ice this week landing quite harshly on my tookus each time. But then I made a turn to avoid a rather boisterous dog. I hate Dog Trouble on hikes so Rainy and I will usually take a detour if we see one but that was not a wise choice for this hike as I got lost and found myself trudging through knee deep snow. This was fabulous cardio come to find out and by the time I saw the top of my car me and my sobs belly crawled our way back. Rainy kept a close watch on me.

UPHILL!!!! Photo by Lisa L. Day

UPHILL!!!! Photo by Lisa L. Day

Show Off!! Photo by Lisa L. Day

Show Off!! Photo by Lisa L. Day

So after I clutched my steering wheel while trying to catch my breath, I felt my entire body seize up as the Fibromyalgia kicked in as I tried regrouped. While I was “knee deep” in snow misery my mother called….never asked about my eye but instead wanted to me to give Ron a message that wasn’t a positive one. This got me all discombobulated and THEN I discovered I had taken a bad turn and was now going to have to walk in the snow the hard way. I think that is why this difficult hike became a true test of my fortitude.

After I pulled it together with some mighty fine comforting from my Rainy off we went to let the horses out and do some manure cleaning. Every one got some peppermints and then I want home, peeled off my wet clothes from my hurting and exhausted body and napped for a while then got up and did it again before the sun went down.

I drink a half glass of pepsi a day ( a tough thing I am weaning myself off of) and two cups of coffee and the rest water and orange juice. I eat very little now…just some fruit, salad and some healthy soups my husband makes and sometimes I will cheat with some multi grain crackers but I have a couple of drags off a cigarette more often….not necessarily more cigs…just less time between my mini puffs. It helps with the cravings and eases my already anxious mind.

So to keep you posted on my Changes…..they are small steps but big to me in this weather with my health issues right now. During my work days I will walk around the town of Moab for exercise and grab a small salad and drink water during the day. The town has an underground paved walk way that runs by the creek that runs through town and it is beautiful, easy to walk (as long as there is no ice) and there are little stair ways that get you to and fro anywhere you want so that will be my new routine. I am not going to lie to you….I love the snow and Lord knows we needed it as we had a very bad drought last year but this is not an optimal time for me to start my new ways…..yes…I know….what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger but this may very well break a bone or two in the process.

Lisa

Oh by the way…I just looked out side and guess what? Its snowing again. Does this mean the price of hay may go down?? I hope so but all I know is I have to go out in it today and everyday as I battle my weight and my plummeting self esteem…..sigh.

 

 

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