Wild: What Hit Home for Me

qild

My husband and I just saw the movie titled Wild last night starring Reese Witherspoon. I highly recommend this film for all those people out there searching to find themselves, have been on the journey to find themselves or are thinking there has to be more to life. It is a story about redemption, self love, forgiveness, grief and spiritual journeying. I will say it is not a fast paced , action packed movie but for me it offered so much more.

It is a true story about a young woman searching for self after she lost herself by walking 1000 miles on the Pacific Crest Trail.

pct

One I have always wanted to do this sort of thing but I was always focused on the the Camino del Santiago but it seems out of reach whereas the PCT is much more doable.

I could relate to many things about this woman’s story as I too have been there. The first thing that stands out to me was her feelings of abandonment. I cannot explain why without giving something important about the movie away but the feelings are the same. In my case I was rejected by my parents. This lead me down a path of looking for love in the wrong people, trying to fix the dysfunctional love I did have, losing my way and my self by self medicating in order to fill the gigantic hole left behind by not having that acceptance, support, unconditional love and safety your parents are suppose to provide for you.

wild

The next thing that stands out is when you begin to practice self love you can look at your parents with new eyes and you gain compassion for them because parents really can only love their children to a certain degree when so empty and wounded themselves.

The biggest thing that hit home for me was the actually spiritual journey Cheryl was on that brought her to forgive herself and accept the journey exactly as it has been. There is a part in the movie when she thinks maybe her drug addiction and promiscuity wasn’t an accident but a tool for her to learn and heal.

I have just recently come to this place as I think about all the guilt and shame and sadness at myself for how I have lived my life. Like Cheryl I was extremely disciplined, organized, trust worthy, reliable, honest, dedicated, someone to count on when over time I completely lost my way and became everything I found discouraging in people. It doesn’t matter why it happened or how it happened. What I choose to focus on was the healing and the climb back from that fall from grace. And I am still not what I was but I am getting stronger every day and the person that is emerging from the “dark years” is someone I love and admire even more than the “perfect” Lisa because this Lisa has wisdom, patience, courage, compassion, understanding, empathy and an infinite supply of LOVE the perfect Lisa never had.

wild 2

My journey from perfection to despair to numbness to redemption and self love has cultivates and shaped a Lisa with more depth and passion and Divinity. I would much rather sit down and share my soul with the Lisa I am today the the one before all the hard knocks and failures.

For those out there that are searching….this movie is a must see.

What is is Like Being a Woman?

www.shiftfrequency.com

This morning I asked my husband to give me a topic to write on in my blog today. He said “write about what it is like being a woman.” I have thought about it all day as I went about my chores and other things and I have determined this isn’t going to be easy to write about. It means many different things to me as my thoughts and perceptions have changed. When I was a little girl I didn’t think about it much. It didn’t seem to matter very much whether I was a boy or a girl. Most of my friends were boys at the time because that is all there was but I didn’t see myself as very different then the boys. Their plumbing was different but that was as far as it went. Things changed when I began school. But my husband didn’t ask me to write what it was like to be female….he asked what it was like being a woman.

I began becoming despaired at the sex I was born into about the time I realized my step father really wished I had been a boy. He was 1 of 8 boys. Sports was his life. I might have become more esteemed in his eyes if I had been good at sports. But I was very far from that. So not only was I a girl but I was a very girly girl who sucked at sports. I loved to ride horses and climb trees and wallow in the mud but those weren’t sports.

anaiyasophia.com

anaiyasophia.com

Then I got to the age where boys started treating girls very different. Girls had all the power until the boys got what they wanted then you were labeled a slut or easy. If they didn’t get what they wanted you were frigid and cold. Either way it never came out in my favor. I didn’t understand why all of a sudden I was less than someone else because of the way I was born. The way I saw it we were exactly the same. Sure boys could do some things girls couldn’t do but girls could do things boys couldn’t do….so what?

I began to despise being a woman when I began menstruating. I felt like that was the day my life ended. All of a sudden I was very different from boys and I felt very vulnerable and a freak. There were holy places I couldn’t walk into in some cultures if I was on my cycle. I was vulnerable to becoming pregnant when boys never would be. Then my first husband told me I had to suffer at being a female because that was my penance for being related to Eve who brought all of mankind into sin.

I could go on and on but the point I am making is I felt shame at being a woman. I felt weak and that I had no value. It was  a bag of spoiled goods I was sold because being a woman is the greatest thing to be. I can create life. I am more in tuned to the cycles of life just like the greatest woman of all; Gaia, Mother Earth, Pachamama. I can not only create life but I can sustain it too through the milk in my breasts. I am a fierce protector of my young and the things that I love but I can be gentle and soothing and banish all hurts and fears. I am in tuned to the cycles of the moon as my body follows that cycle as well but I am also in tuned to the cycles of the seasons. I am intuitive and can know and understand the things that are unseeable. I think of hearth and home, of growing things whether they be plants for medicine and food, I nurture my children and teach them kindness and respect. I care for the young , the weak, the sick and the old. My voice sings songs to lull my children to sleep and to praise the Creator. I do not think of war or of killing or hurting or maiming.

fineartamerica.com

fineartamerica.com

I am called the gentler sex because I am naturally a gentle being. I see the beauty in a flower and in the ocean and in all life because I know what it takes to create it…..not to kill it or hurt it. I love being a woman, I love being a part of the sacred feminine and being able to express that part of myself. I love being the loving half of a whole with my husband. I am sad I didn’t know that until just recently. I missed out on a lot of self worth but I have it now and I am pleased because when Mother, Father, God created woman she announced to the Universe that it was Good.

shamangelichealing.com

shamangelichealing.com

A Spiritual Practice

I was talking to one of my class mates a few weeks ago and they were talking about something when in the middle of this conversation they muttered “I just don’t have time for that…it will cut into my spiritual practice.” Throughout the two years of study as a Minister I have heard things like “you might want to think about this as part of your spiritual practice” or “I make such and such part of my spiritual practice now.” It struck a cord deep within me of which I couldn’t figure out. Why did I always feel a emotional response deep within my bones whenever I heard “your spiritual practice?” And then it hit me….I didn’t really have a spiritual practice but I really wanted one.

ecopreacher.blogspot.com

ecopreacher.blogspot.com

I believe a Spiritual Practice looks as varied as there are people on this planet. it is deeply personal in many ways. Not something you don’t really share. it is that deeply hidden conversation you have with your higher self and in the Creator. What I mean is many of us go to groups, churches, retreats, plant ceremonies, drum circles, etc. which is a step towards your spiritual practice but what of the private voice inside that only you hear? What are those hidden desires or feelings and emotions you feel that you keep closely guarded?

I kept all that hidden and unused my whole life until just recently when I decided I would add my Spiritual Practice to my Self-Love tool kit. My Spiritual Practice now has enough importance that I do it everyday. My Ministry is now what I will show the world but My Spiritual Practice is just for me, my higher power and for the Creator. It recharges me, clarifies things for me, brings me back to my heart, helps me set my intention for each day. It is how I wake myself up in the morning and its soothes me and releases all emotional and spiritual toxicity at night.

I just sent one of my last papers in today and the topic that was being covered was Ethics. One of the things talked about was how our ministry is much like a pot of soup. I am the Container and my ministry is the soup. Without the Container the soup would be all over the place. And that is exactly how I would have described myself best. I have all these ideas on what I want to do with my ministry but it it has been all over the place and I began to think I had nothing to offer. Now the container is becoming solid and reliable and my ministry becomes clearer everyday. I don’t have all the answers yet but I am centered and grounded enough now that I can accept my ministry is going to be a PRACTICE and it will always be evolving and I am excited to see what happens.

lauramarietv.com

lauramarietv.com

I managed to grasp onto this calm state of trust and knowing that everything will be just great because I have a belief in myself now. I have many, many tools in my tool kit. I am 48 years old and I have been studying for this since I was born. And now I have yet another one. My altar is my sanctuary. I can sit and pray for those I love including the ancestors, the planet, the waters, the sacred feminine, my husband and all those I love. I say prayers of gratitude and as I start I remember more and more of what I have such gratitude for. Then I stop and listen. I just let my mind quiet down and I will close my eyes and listen to the birds and feel the sun on my face and all of a sudden I have clarity on something else. So many questions are being answered, so much fear leaves my body, so much detail is revealed at all the little miracles in my life and those I was too blind to see before….everything is clicking into place. I cannot judge myself because I am in the presence of the Divine Supreme and its impossible to judge anything when basking in the radiance of LOVE. The only thing you can do is just love everything….yourself, your past, your present, your future, the ancestors, the planet, all sentient beings, the universe……and I realize that all of the magic and mystery lives within me, and in you, in everything.

My Spiritual Practice had changed my perspective on everything and it heals me, makes me feel whole. Try it. Just sit and pray and be grateful and then be silent and just listen. Just Receive.

With Gratitude

Sunny Day

Do Nothing but Listen

A Break in Action

Islam, Judaism, Christianity and the Future of Tolerance and Wisdom

Brotherhood and Love: As Religion

The Forest Napper

Full Moon Letting Go and Manifestation

My Message to You

Red Tail Hawk

I got a message today that I want to pass on to all of you. Let me give you some background first.

Two years ago I hit bottom. I was broken emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically. I wondered how I was going to get out to bed and make it through each day. Then my friend Sarah gave me a book called The Grandmothers Counsel the World. Through reading that book I discovered The Center for Sacred Studies where I signed up for their Ministry Training Program. For two years I have done an intense study program and this April, in a few short weeks, I will graduate and become and Ordained Minister of Walking Prayer.

Red Tail Hawk

I have spent the last two years (well my whole life really) in survival mode. I managed to pay for my tuition, my books and pay my bills by working as many as four jobs at a time. It has been scary, exhausting, frustrating, back breaking and heart breaking for much of the time but I was determined to see it through. Much of the study is about “healing thyself” because in order to help others heal you must first heal yourself. And heal I have. Over time I have changed my perception of my world, the world in general and also of my perception of those around me. I have moved from being a victim of circumstance and people to being an empowered being and a child of God.

I am all set to go to California in April. I have paid all my tuition off, paid for all my books and my graduation is paid for. The only thing I needed was one more breath work class, my travel money and my ceremonial whites. As a pet sitter I have been pretty busy so I felt like I would be okay when everything stopped. No calls for pet sitting, no money coming in. My survival mentally kicked in and I began to fret on how I was going to get this last part of my journey done. A classmate of mine suggested I open up a Go Fund Me campaign. I felt like if I did that and sold off the last of my belongings at a yard sale I could get the funds I needed. The first day of the campaign was fruitful. I was asking for 1000.00 dollars and by the first day I had raised 171.oo dollars and then that just stopped. Yesterday I began to wallow in self pity. I wondered why my friends and family weren’t even sharing my campaign on Facebook and I felt I had no support. This has been a theme I have dealt with many times in the past. I have never felt supported hence my strong survival instincts. I have often felt like I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders having to do everything on my own. I stopped asking for help long ago and over time forgot how.

The very first lesson we studied in the Ministry Training Program was that of humility. I discovered today that being a Minister of Walking Prayer is a practice. It is a journey that will take a life time to master. The lesson of humility was finally understood today. Before leaving to walk two lovely Golden Retrievers by the name of Winston and Jackson I prayed. I asked for guidance from Father, Mother, God, my angels and my spirit guides. It was a Red Tailed Hawk that answered me.

As I was walking up a mountain with Winston and Jackson a Red Tailed Hawk  swooped down and landed on top of an Oak Shrub Tree ten feet in front of me. I was astounded that one would come so close to not only me but my two big companions as well. The dogs just sat down and then the Hawk screeched at me. At that moment I instantly knew that I let my fear lead me off my path once again. The Hawk screeched again and then took off. The next thing I knew the Hawk turned around, glided right over to me and touched its wing lightly to the top of my head and then it fly off.  It never occurred to me to be afraid and duck. I was stupefied and the message came to me loud and clear. Hawk was asking “Have you ever thanked the healers, teachers, supporters and friends that have walked with you on your journey?”  Had I? “Walk your prayer and give love and gratitude to those that have been your teachers, healers, supporters, and friends.”

Once again I marvel at my shortsightedness and I am humbled. I continued on my walk with the dogs and I began think about all the people, plants and animals, circumstances, heart breaks, failures and triumphs in my life and I am in awe. Thank You. For all the many souls that have guided me on my journey….Thank You.

Red Tail Hawk

I want to say that it is not what you can do for me but what I can do for you. What does it mean  to be a Minister of Walking Prayer? It means that I walk my prayer. My ministry should be showing up in everything I do. That I should be mindful and present in every aspect of my life. That I walk in love and trust that my path is going exactly where it needs to go in order for me to grow as a spirit of God. So my campaign is not so much about the money you can give me but the love and gratitude I can give you. Prayers are welcomed and treasured. You don’t have to “share” on Facebook and you do not have to donate. There is only one thing I want you to do today. Sit quietly somewhere for however long it takes and think about all the people, animals, and life lessons that have supported you and taught you on your life path. I want you to have this be a heart centered prayer of gratitude even to those that you feel have wronged you. They all taught you something. Pour your love and gratitude out to them,. Forgive everyone that has hurt you but more importantly forgive yourself right now of everything that you have not forgiven yourself for and let it go, let it be. Think of all the small, insignificant acts of kindness you have done and others have done to you. They add up and they are all beautiful. Be grateful to the creator for your life and all the beauty, joy and love you have been able to experience. Let the light in and let it shine.

That is my message to you. That is the only thing I want from you. You do not have to support my journey, my Go Fund Me Campaign, my opinions or anything about me. Just be grateful and fill yourself with love for all those that have touched your life. That is what I am doing.

Hawk is a Messenger Spirit Guide. The message she gave me today was to Walk My Prayer.

Red Tail Hawk

I want to help people and animals heal. Only love can truly heal anyone. I want you to know I love each and everyone of you…the ones I have met and the ones I will meet. You have all colored my life and made me grow to be the person I am today and I am so grateful to each and every one of you.

You are a Sacred Divine Being made in the image of The Divine Supreme Creator. I am in awe of you. Thank you for being a part of my life and sharing your gifts with me whether they be big or small. They are as significant as you are.

Aho!

Lisa Sunny Day

The Ocean is Watching

Sketch216205738

I am in North Carolina right now visiting some of my classmates. One of them is an artist who does soul portraits. I am staying with Gwenevere as we have had a chance to get to know each other and I was fascinated with her paintings. She showed me her techniques and drew this in front of me. Then she gifted it to me. It is a one of kind original and it is mine. I am honored with her gift and it will be something I treasure forever.

We both thought it looked like some beautiful sea creature like a whale or a dolphin and we spent hours talking about the ocean and her relationship with dolphins and how much healing the ocean needs. Part of our ministry is healing and the ocean is one of them. So I titled this painting The Ocean is Watching…………….to see how we treat her, to see if we heal her……to see if we protect her and honor her.

Three Words a Day: 71

lucid dreaming 4

Three Words a Day: 71

discuss
next
aim
pure
meticulous*

It would seem the very nature of my blog is to just write. I always aim to discuss something that might entertain or help another reading my words that may be going through similar things. All I am really doing is sharing my thoughts and feelings and experiences for my own selfish reasons. Sometimes I just want to be heard. This is my creative outlet and it gives me pure joy to craft my prose in a way that may spark something in another. I find if I don’t write a part of me stays locked up unable to escape and be free. The longer I go without writing the harder it is for me to start again and so this challenge forces me to write whatever comes to mind. Its okay if no one reads it. It will be interesting to read all I wrote after a year of this.

Three Words a Day: 70

Three Words a Day: 70

Cricket  Prepare  Does  Increase  Brave

How does one prepare to be brave? If one prepares does it increase the bravery itself? I have never considered myself a brave person and yet looking back on my life I have been courageous and done some brave things. I think any woman who faces meeting her child for the first time is very brave. Going through the pain of labor is one thing….a very brave thing. But I remember what was taking all my bravery was looking into those newborn eyes knowing the only thing standing between life and death for my daughter was my ability to love and care for her. That took a lot of bravery, especially for a girl at the tender age of 18.

I could list many things, now that I think about it, that required me to be brave. Preparing my father to die, being a high school drop out that went on to get a college degree, leaving two bad marriages, are but a few. But nothing has tested my bravery more than meeting my shadow side and facing it with dignity and compassion. I imagine the deeper I delve into myself the need for my own bravery will increase. Its never easy to see where you have been wrong, selfish, and blind to your own self destruction and callousness to your fellow man. But that is what I am doing.

I am flying out in a few days to South Carolina where I will participate in two breath work classes. That lulls you into an altered state where you have an opportunity to heal old wounds. As I prepare to face my inner child I feel the need to be very brave because sometimes facing deep painful wounds from your childhood can be the scariest thing of all.